28 Stuckness
you're here, might as well take pics of it.
Can’t move. Nowhere to run. Progress is impossible. Something needs to change, but you’re not sure what.
You’re stuck.
But you’ve been here before. In fact, you’re probably trapped in this particular realm of “stuckness” because you were stuck before, but you found a way out. And you walked down the path, you kept progressing, and then suddenly, you’re stuck again.
Good news is that you’ll get unstuck eventually, the problem is that you don’t when or what form it’ll take.
I’m stuck. I’ve been stuck for probably almost 2 years now. For the first year, I thrashed and kicked and tried to fight it with all I had. I had to become something else, had to erase everything that had come before and be something different. Certainly, that was the only way out. My home, my town, my life was just a containment unit and nothing more, and I had to break free of it. My photography wasn’t good enough, needed to change that. My body wasn’t strong enough, needed to make sure to angrily workout and eat like a weirdo. I wasn’t smart enough. Had to cover for that in some way. Everything I had, everything I was, was responsible for my stuckness.
I started my Polaroid 365 Project with the goal of capturing my actual life and maybe getting unstuck in a weird roundabout way. I wanted it to be organic. I’ve had varying degrees of success day to day with the goal of “organic-ness”, but overall, I think I was on the right track. I’m nearly 60 days away from the end of this project, and looking at the mass of the year I’ve mostly captured one thing: my home.
A view I see every day.
The people I love more than anything.
The places I love.
My camera has always been the best tool for recognizing all the great things I have in life. It’s a gratitude machine. When I’m dissatisfied with myself or my work, it’s probably because I’m not using my camera to make the stuff I need to make. If I were to really boil my work down, I’d say it’s about documenting and embracing (the best I can) my short time on this earth. My best work probably fits in that category at least.
I’ve been most interested in taking pictures of my kitchen window these days. Not fully sure why, it’s just one of those things. I spend a lot of time in the kitchen, and the window has a good view of the afternoon evening light.
These photos make it clear: I’ve given up. I haven’t really been working to fight stuckness like I was before. I’m kind of just living in it now.
And I think that’s fine.
I'm sure it isn't (the authenticity thing). Just grateful for what seems different😊. Thank you, and all the best with whatever is next!
Thank you for sharing your path of subtle (getting-unstuck) discoveries, Will. I always enjoy how your authenticity shines through. Even though we may live universes apart, I enjoy your undeterred process.
I've been working on completing a writing project for way too long because I have a particular impression of what it should look like.. Substack has been helping me uncover hidden things that I realised I value, yet I have (also) decided that I would have to become a totally different person if I am to see this thing through to satisfying completion. And it will..
All the best to you and your family!